4/27 at 3:00
I just forgot which side of the colon was distal and which was proximal. I suppose “misplacing” information here and there goes with the territory of relentlessly cramming knowledge into a finite storage space. Nevertheless, after an entire week of studying the asshole and all its friends (the “ATM” chapter, as I like to call it), I can’t believe I still have mental fuckups as glaring as forgetting the order of the colon (I still use my mnemnmenmenmonic “stodgy” to remember the order of the SI- StoDJI for “stomach”, “Duodenum”, “Jejunum”, “Ileum”). Now you can impress your friends by telling them about their shit.
5/3 at 12:30
I just decided to go home instead of being one of the cracked out kids at 4 am who sleep in their cubicles. Since I have worked as a clerk, the last fucking thing I want to do (and indeed part of why I went to school in the first place) is to fall asleep in a cubicle again. Besides, by about 9, the bathroom floor is covered in water and toilet paper. It looks like the aftermath of a prison riot.
5/4 at 11:00 PM
Yesterday, I found out I had super powers. In discussing my study plans for the day, I mentioned I was camped out in Taylor hall, referring to it as “Taylor Sachs” (A play off of “Tay Sach’s Disease) to another student. We both realized we didn’t remember anything about the disease and went about our business. Later that day, a test the other student took featured questions about Tay Sachs, despite its utter lack from this last year’s curriculum.
This can be no coincidence. I now have the power to shape time and space. Last year, I put Carpal Tunnel down on the differential for every list of symptoms we were given in any class. It started as a joke, but then I began to bull shit its viability into the pathogenesis of diseases so well that I could prove GI disturbances and even Leukemia were caused by bending one’s wrists too much while typing. For our clinical final, my patient had Carpal Tunnel.
I’ve decided to use this power to will Falco into a reunion tour.
5/5 at 8:30 PM
I have a fever
5/10 at 9:00 AM
So I’ve spent the last several days, curled up in a fetal position, unable to eat or drink as fluids left my body. I return today with a BP of 110/60 (usually 120/80- thanks, Average America) and a full 10 pounds lighter.
Now I’m sitting next to a guy with slicked back hair, no shoes and track pants, who is playing with his toes. I am not entirely sure that it’s a better situation.
5/11 at 12:23 PM
In the wake of Osama Bin Laden, our hearts go out to all the “Osama Bin Hidin’” t-shirt makers, OBL Range target manufacturers, Impersonators, pundits and novelty Jammer pant embroiderers who’ve been affected by his death. There will be a relief fund started later this month to assist those recently hit by the collapse of the $6 Million industry.
